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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25532818">How to Save a Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolpointsetta/pseuds/coolpointsetta'>coolpointsetta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TFP as Grey's Songs [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Transformers: Prime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Mentions of Character Death, breakdown deserved better, bulkhead also deserved better, greys just inspired me, kind of a songfic but not really, mentions of past trauma, mentions of war time, their friendship deserved better</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:41:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25532818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolpointsetta/pseuds/coolpointsetta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whenever they saw each other in the battlefield, they were always each other's first targets. They'd seek each other out, taunting and threatening and abusing. They'd been doing this dance a long time, but it hadn't always been like this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Breakdown &amp; Bulkhead (Transformers)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>TFP as Grey's Songs [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How to Save a Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I recently saw a comic about Bulkhead and Breakdown being friends before the war (I'm sorry I don't have the link or anything to it, but it was beautiful art and credit to the artist) and I can totally see that being a possibility. I wish TFP had gone into more detail about that, but instead Breakdown had to die :( </p>
<p>Yes I did get this idea from the song, quarantine got me into Grey's Anatomy and with Grey's comes all of the sad songs… (but tell me this song doesn't fit them I mean come on now) </p>
<p>Disclaimer: I don't own the song, it belongs to The Fray. </p>
<p>Anyway, enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>Step one, you say we need to talk. He walks, say sit down, it's just a talk. He smiles politely back at you. You stare politely right on through. Some sort of window to your right, as he goes left, and you stay right between the lines of fear and blame, You begin to wonder why you came</i>. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead swallowed hard as he continued to pace. His spark was racing in his chest; out of nervousness and pressure building up in his gut. </p>
<p>	If he didn't get the words out <i>soon</i>, he might pass out from the pure stress of it. </p>
<p>	This conversation was a long time coming, and Bulkhead knew that it was supposed to happen sooner or later. </p>
<p>	If the Autobot cause - more specifically, the <i>Wrecker</i> cause - was to survive, sooner was to the benefit of everyone. </p>
<p>	He had all the evidence he needed, but he didn't know if he had the strength to follow up on his plan. </p>
<p>	Breakdown checked his inner clock and determined that Breakdown was over an hour late to their scheduled meeting time. </p>
<p>	Their scheduled place was the medical facility that used to be in Praxus; it had been destroyed pretty early on in the War by the Decepticons trying to gain an early edge. Destroying one of the highest medical facilities on Cybertron had definitely been a blow to the Autobot cause and morale.</p>
<p>	They lost a lot of comrades that day. </p>
<p>	The moons shown above Bulkhead, and he could faintly hear the sounds of a Decepticon patrol in the distance. He wasn't worried about them finding him, his signal was hidden by a small device he carried at all times, built by his friend Perceptor. </p>
<p>	And even <i>if</i> the Cons got close enough to see him around the rubble, they couldn't. Bulkhead would hear them getting closer and get the hell out of Dodge before they could actually find him. </p>
<p>	'Maybe he got caught up with some Cons?' Bulkhead shook the thought from his mind for several reasons. First, Bulkhead knew Breakdown was smart enough to call for backup if he got tangled up with the Decepticons. As much as he bragged about being brave and bold in the face of danger, no one could take on a Decepticon squad on their own. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead didn't want to entertain the second thought that crept into his mind; the reason he was doing this at all. </p>
<p>	The sound of an engine stirred him away from his thoughts. </p>
<p>	He turned and saw a Cybertronian vehicle speeding towards him, blowing around some dust in its wake. He knew who it was instantly, the blue paint job was easily recognizable. </p>
<p>	Breakdown transformed a few feet from Bulkhead, walking the rest of the steps towards him. His yellow optics shown in the dim light of the moon, a small grin on his face. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead smiled back. What else was he supposed to do?</p>
<p>	Bulkhead's spark broke a little more as he remembered all the great memories he and Breakdown had together. Meeting at the construction site; they had relatively the same body type, so they got assigned to all the same tasks. Edging each other on to ask out that mech out across the bar, making sure they followed through on it. Joining the Wreckers together, fighting side by side. </p>
<p>	And now…and <i>now</i>…</p>
<p>	What was Bulkhead doing here? He really didn't need to do this, did he? He could always make Impactor talk to Breakdown, or maybe Wheeljack, or Knock Out. </p>
<p>	"Hey Bulk," Breakdown's calm but chipper tone broke him from his thoughts. Bulkhead looked up at him and held his gaze, forcing a smile to come to his face as well. </p>
<p>	He couldn't tell if Breakdown knew it was forced, but he prayed to Primus he couldn't tell. </p>
<p>	"Hey Breakdown." Bulkhead replied evenly, sitting down on the rubble behind him that almost made a perfect bench shape, the metal warped and turned just so that it could be sat on (without risk of getting shrapnel up one's aft). Bulkhead padded the spot beside him, and Breakdown lumbered down, the grin still on his face. </p>
<p>	"What are we doin' all the way out here? We plannin' a surprise for our boys?" Breakdown asked, his optics glowing with the thought of his new boyfriend, the speedy red car who'd captured his heart. "I've been savin' up some credits and ammunition for some little trinkets I saw in Wreck-Gar's shop." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead shook his helm, unsure of how he wanted to address what he needed to say. "No, Breakdown, that's not why we're here." Bulkhead sputtered out, and Breakdown tilted his helm in confusion. "I just…I need to know…if you're -" </p>
<p>	Breakdown jumped up as he heard the sound of Decepticon Seekers in the distance, and one of his servos shifted into a hammer. His blaster charged up on his shoulder and he began to make a break for the open so he could meet the Cons head on. </p>
<p>	"Wait, Breakdown! They're not that close to us!" Bulkhead cried out, grabbing Breakdown's wrist and pulling the blue mech backwards. Breakdown didn't resist the contact, but a growl came up in his throat. </p>
<p>	"They've gotten closer since we've been talking." Breakdown pointed out, his optics narrowed. "Why aren't you more worried about this? You should be more worried about this." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead hesitated for a moment and let go of Breakdown's wrist. The blue Bot shifted his hammer back into his hand, but his expression still confused. </p>
<p>	'What am I doing here? I shouldn't be doing this. The rumors <i>have</i> to be false, I'm looking for things that aren't even there…' Bulkhead thought to himself, his spark pounding his chest. </p>
<p>	"Hey, Bulk. You're startin' to look a little pale. You sure you're okay?" Breakdown asked, taking a small step closer to Bulkhead. Bulkhead didn't flinch away from the movement, but his gut twisted again. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead looked up and met his gaze, and Breakdown offered a small smile in return. </p>
<p>	There was no easy way say what needed to be said. </p>
<p><i>Let him know that you know best. 'Cause after all, you do know best. Try to slip past his defense, without granting innocence. Lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you've told him all along. And pray to God he hears you, and I pray to God he hears you</i>. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead took a deep breath, and despite every fiber of his being desperately trying to get him to stop, he continued to speak anyway. </p>
<p>	"Have you been giving information to the Cons?" </p>
<p>	Bulkhead couldn't meet Breakdown's gaze, so he settled for looking just above his optics. But he still noticed as emotions of hurt and humor passed through Breakdown's golden optics. </p>
<p>	Breakdown sputtered a little, taking a small step back. "You're kiddin', right?" Breakdown asked. </p>
<p>	Within a moment he was hunched over, clutching his stomach as he laughed so much he shook. Bulkhead awkwardly shuffled where he sat, but he didn't retract his statement. </p>
<p>	Breakdown wiped a small leak of lubricant from his optic, his laughter slowing. He looked up now and their gazes met, Bulkhead's servos fidgeting on his lap. </p>
<p>	"You're not kiddin', are you?" Breakdown's expression changed from chipper to angry in a matter of seconds. "<i>Really</i>, Bulk?! You think that <i>I</i> would give info to the <i>Cons</i>?! Me, your oldest buddy?!" </p>
<p>	Bulkhead took a deep breath. "You were captured by the Cons early on the War, and they dumped you back in Wrecker territory after only a day. We didn't even have to stage a rescue for you." </p>
<p>	"I told you already Bulk, they used the cortical psychic patch and when they found nothin' of use, they let me go. Figured the scavengers would pick off my metal for 'em." Breakdown's voice was strangely calm, but Bulkhead could feel the fire in his optics. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead ignored what he'd just said, continuing on as if he hadn't heard him speak at all. "Soon after you came back the Cons got <i>really</i> good at figuring out our moves, our attack plans. The Cons knew where we'd strike, who'd we send to which post." Bulkhead stood up from his seat slowly, his hands raised to show he wasn't going to attack. </p>
<p>	"No one could have possibly known who was going to strike where, we changed it every time so the Cons couldn't predict it. But they always knew, after you got captured." Bulkhead gained confidence as he spoke, standing straighter while Breakdown took a few steps back. "We lost a lot of brothers that way." </p>
<p>	"Bulk, come on. That's just bad luck and you know it." Breakdown's voice was slightly higher pitched now, his servos raised and his optics wide. "We got good at guessing them too, didn't we?" </p>
<p>	Bulkhead felt a distinct sadness pooling in his gut, but he still kept going. "There was a lot of times when it was just you on patrol and you'd get sicked by the Cons, but every time you came back without so much as a dent." </p>
<p>	"I'm good at bashing Cons, Bulk. You should know this by now." </p>
<p>	"Yeah maybe. But you're not the mech to come out without anything to show for it." Bulkhead countered. Breakdown loved his battle scars as much as any mech, and it always had struck Bulkhead as strange that he wasn't saddened when he brought home none. "No one's that lucky," He added, almost as an after thought. </p>
<p>	Above them, the Seekers rolled overhead and passed, but Bulkhead noticed that they didn't fly completely away. </p>
<p>	"The Seekers are here for you, aren't they?" </p>
<p>	Breakdown's optics widened and he took a few more steps away from Bulkhead. His mouth was open and moving but no words were coming out; he was too shocked to speak. </p>
<p>	His silence was the only answer Bulkhead needed. </p>
<p>	"You called them to patrol here in case you needed backup. You knew that I knew, and you were planning to attack me." Bulkhead guessed, and he had a feeling he was a right. </p>
<p>	Breakdown's demeanor changed again and his optics narrowed and his servos clenched. He stopped moving backwards and stood his ground. "As if you weren't going to attack <i>me</i>, Bulkhead. Think you could take me out if I confessed or somethin', huh?" </p>
<p>	"I was hoping it would never come to that." Bulkhead spat out, his anger rising in his gut. "What'd they offer you, Breakdown? A high ranking position? All the credits you could ever need once the war is over? A <i>brotherhood</i>?! What did they offer you that the Wreckers couldn't?!" </p>
<p>	Breakdown hesitated for a moment, but his optics soon narrowed and he took up another defensive stance. "I never said I was a snitch!" Breakdown hollered angrily. </p>
<p>	"You never said you weren't!" Bulkhead fired back just as fast. </p>
<p>	Breakdown changed his servos into his hammers with a loud growl. "How could you, Bulkhead?! Accuse me of this?! I thought we were friends! Brothers!" Breakdown stood straighter and Bulkhead could see the hurt in his optics. "I can't handle this betrayal from you." </p>
<p><i>As he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours, and grant him one last choice. Drive until you loose the road, or break with the ones you follow. He will do one of two things, he will admit to everything. Or he'll say he's just not the same, and you'll begin to wonder why you came</i>. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead took a deep breath and tried to ignore the itching that was rising in his servos to turn them into wrecking balls. The need to fight was defend himself was rising in his gut, and he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to fight it. </p>
<p>	Instead, Bulkhead relaxed his stance and stood straight, his arms extended at his side as if he was having a normal conversation with the mech in front of him. </p>
<p>	The mech he once considered a brother. </p>
<p>	"You got a choice to make here Breakdown, and it's simple: us or the Cons. And I'm sure the Cons have offered you a future and a place with no violence as long as you fight with them, but Breakdown, the Wreckers? We're your <i>family</i>. <i>I'm</i> your family. I have been with you and beside you everyday for the past couple decades." Bulkhead swallowed hard as a lump began to form in his throat. </p>
<p>	Breakdown didn't turn his servos back into his fists, but some of the anger left his optics as he straightened. </p>
<p>	An emotion flashed in his optics then, something Bulkhead couldn't put a name to, but it was gone before he had much time to think about it. </p>
<p>	"If you come back to base with me now, I won't say a word to anyone as long as you stop helping the Cons. We can pretend this conversation never happened, go back to being brothers again." Bulkhead took a step forward and considered it a victory however small that Breakdown didn't back away. He took another step forward and Breakdown still stayed in place. </p>
<p>	"But if you don't," Bulkhead said next, his voice shaking a little. "If I drive away and you don't follow me, I will tell <i>everyone</i> what you've done here. You won't be welcomed back, and the next time I see you on the battlefield I will kill you." </p>
<p>	It wasn't funny, but Breakdown let out a chuckle. </p>
<p>	"But Breakdown, I need to hear you say it." Bulkhead said slowly, taking one final step closer. There was still a decent distance between them, but some how it was too close. </p>
<p>	"Did you or did you not become a double agent to the Decepticons?" The words were like acid on Bulkhead's glossa, and the moment he put them out into the air he wished he could take them back.</p>
<p>	Bulkhead waited for him to speak as Breakdown looked down at his feet, shifting his weight from time to time. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead became so absorbed in waited for Breakdown to make his choice he failed to hear the second engine roaring towards them until a speedy red car transformed beside the two tall mechs. </p>
<p>	The moment Bulkhead looked at Knock Out, he knew why the mech was here. </p>
<p>	"You too, Knock Out?" Bulkhead asked, stumbling a little as he stood. Knock Out's gaze was cold and his voice showed it too as he spoke. </p>
<p>	"I joined the winning team." His optics softened for a moment. "Maybe you should think about doing the same." </p>
<p>	He turned his gaze to Breakdown and extended his servo. "Come on, Breakdown. They're waiting for us." </p>
<p>	For a few moments, Breakdown didn't move, his gaze honed in on Knock Out's servo. The red mech didn't waver or lower his hand, as if he already knew the outcome. </p>
<p>	Breakdown looked up at Bulkhead, and for a moment a feeling of hope sprung up in Bulkhead's spark, relieving the pressure that had been there. </p>
<p>	"Sorry, Bulkhead." Breakdown said slowly. "I guess I'm just not the same person you once knew. I was never cut out to be a part of your family." </p>
<p>	Without another word, Breakdown stepped over to Knock Out, taking his servo in his own. </p>
<p>	All the despair that had momentarily left Bulkhead returned with a vengeance, crippling his spark and pooling in his gut, making him think he was going to hurl. Bulkhead struggled to stay on his pedes, so he focused on clenching his servos so tight he couldn't feel them anymore. </p>
<p>	"Oh, and Bulkhead," Bulkhead snapped out of his trance as he looked back over to where Knock Out and Breakdown were standing. Breakdown had paused and was looking over his shoulder at him, his optics dim but still angry. </p>
<p>	"The Seekers will be here soon. So if you would like to avoid gettin' caught, I think you outta you high tail it out of here." Breakdown hesitated. "Unless you want the same proposal I got." </p>
<p>	It was an offer, an invitation. </p>
<p>Breakdown was asking him to follow him towards the Decepticons. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead said nothing, he merely transformed and sped away, leaving his former friends in his dust. </p>
<p><i>Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up, with you all night. Had I known how to save a life</i>. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead could barely make it to his berth, stumbling and falling as he went. His injured leg wasn't helping in the slightest. </p>
<p>	His gut was rolling as if he was going to throw up, his tanks not settling even as he collapsed beside his berth. He didn't have the energy to crawl into it right now; he laid beside the berth, clinging onto it in a metal bending grip. </p>
<p>	A sob made its way up his throat, escaping before he could push it down. Another sob followed and soon, tears were streaming down his cheeks, falling onto his thin blankets.</p>
<p>	"Bulkhead?" </p>
<p>	Bulkhead jerked up and turned his attention to his doorway, where he stupidly realized he forgot to close it. Arcee was standing there, not in his room but prepared to dive in if he needed her. Her optics were tender and kind, her warm field a welcome presence in his room. </p>
<p>	"Do you want me to come in?" Arcee asked softly. Bulkhead didn't respond verbally, settling for nodding madly. Arcee rushed in front of him, placing her servo on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead sobbed for a few minutes as Arcee just rubbed her servo up and down his arm, whispering to him and attempting to make her field warm and open. </p>
<p>	"How could Silas do that to him, Arcee?" Bulkhead asked once he'd gotten his sobs under control. "He didn't deserve that, he never deserved that, <i>never</i>." </p>
<p>	"I don't know, Bulk." Arcee whispered sadly. "Silas is as bad as they come, and it was a terrible, terrible thing that he had to dishonor Breakdown's death like that." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead hiccuped and closed his optics, but the picture of seeing Breakdown; discolored and stitched back together by the filthy human hands made him want to hurl. He opened his optics with a small gasp and looked up at Arcee. </p>
<p>	"I pushed him away, 'Cee. It's my fault he joined the Cons in the first place, it's my fault he died." Bulkhead stammered. Arcee shook her head and pulled Bulkhead's forehead against her chest. She reached up both servos and rubbed him along his shoulders as best she could. </p>
<p>	"Bulkhead. Bulkhead, look at me." Bulkhead tore his gaze up and pulled his helm out of Arcee's chest. Their gazes met, and Arcee offered him a small smile. "It is <i>not</i> your fault Breakdown died. It is not your fault Breakdown got…what he got. It's not your fault he joined the Cons." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead scoffed and hiccuped again. "How is it <i>not</i> my fault, Arcee? He was my friend. He was a brother to me…" Bulkhead trailed off. "I should have noticed he didn't feel at home with the Wreckers. I should have seen it coming." </p>
<p>	Arcee put a gentle servo on the side of Bulkhead's face. "Bulkhead, there's nothing you could have done about that. Breakdown made his own decisions. You couldn't have stopped him if you tried." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead let out small chuckle before it turned into a sob. He collapsed his helm back into Arcee's chest. </p>
<p>	"That wasn't Breakdown that you saw today. It was just his body, okay?" Arcee whispered. "Breakdown is doing just fine in the All Spark. You hear me? Breakdown wasn't there today. And I'm sure he doesn't blame you for anything, so stop blaming yourself." </p>
<p>	Bulkhead couldn't bring himself to speak, but he let himself rest in Arcee's arms for a little while. </p>
<p>	"Let's get you in bed." Arcee said after a few minutes. "You know Ratchet will throw a wrench at you if he sees you sitting like this for too long." </p>
<p>	"My leg feels fine." </p>
<p>	"For the rest of your joints then." </p>
<p>	They said nothing more as Arcee helped haul Bulkhead to his feet before he shakily pulled himself onto his berth. Arcee fluffed his pillow and gently pushed him back and pulled his thin blankets over his lower half. </p>
<p>	"Don't blame yourself, okay? As someone who specializes in putting too much blame on themselves, don't." Arcee leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Bulkhead's forehead before she turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead laid awake for a long time, trying to shake the images from his mind of a mutilated Breakdown. </p>
<p>	The glowing orange, menacing optics that had once been so warm and kind. </p>
<p>	The charred and stitched plating that had once been smooth and carried the scars of a warrior. </p>
<p>	The terrible smirk that once was a large smile after one of them told a loud joke. </p>
<p>	In the end, Bulkhead knew he wasn't going to shake the terrible encounter from his mind if he was going to get any rest at all, so he settled for trying to tune his thoughts away from his former friend, without much luck. </p>
<p>	Bulkhead ended up waking four times that night to terrible nightmares and images of Breakdown's - no, <i>Silas's</i> - mutilated face.</p>
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